Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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