My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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