dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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