You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
