I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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