you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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