If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
