i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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