two words: eviction party
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
try to milk me bitch
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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