no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
