I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
