does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
