So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We got so high we made milksteak
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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