I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
