Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
