Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
