Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
