I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
