Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
