Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
