dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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