Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
