I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
