i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we're so committed to being not committed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
