those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
