for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
