Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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