wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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