No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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