In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
