Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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