If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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