dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
