i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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