I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
