Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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