I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
