Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
