You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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