and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
