and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
