So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you never un-have a 4some
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
