"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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