she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
