I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
