Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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