i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
