google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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