if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
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I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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