i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize