if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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