That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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