I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
