Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there was a trapeze. enough said
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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