Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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