Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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