Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
