I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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