If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize