I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
