ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
