walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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