Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
