Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
