I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
