i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
