yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this is an emotional support booty call
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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