if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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