I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm getting married
To pizza
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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