my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
